Star Trek II.

Allow me to get this off my chest first…

CHEKOV HUMILIATION 2: Allows Khan’s revenge to be set in motion by discovering him on Ceti Alpha V, is fed a mind-controlling eel through his ear, and endangers the lives of all scientists on the Regula I station to be found, tortured and killed by the film’s villain. Also, he hides himself with his captain inside a container that Kirk has to open by punching the emergency glass (seriously, fuck Chekov).

Alright then. Although I unfortunately broke my sacred oath to do this on a weekly basis, I made up for it by watching the next Star Trek film not only with more company, but also within the sheltered and delicate comforts of my own freezing cold Aro Valley flat. The end result was that I was able to drink throughout the entirety of the film, and tensions ran so high this time around that a shirt was ripped clean open. This was of course in reference to the famous scene where Kirk did that thing from The Big Bang Theory or whatever. Having seen this film a few times beforehand, it was difficult to show restraint for the things that I actually really liked about it.

The movie’s all about revisiting the past, as genetically engineered Khan Noonien Singh finds a chance to escape from the planet he was exiled on 15 years ago to exact revenge on Kirk, the man who put him there in the first place. Running concurrently is the experimentation of the Genesis device, some scientific whatcha-call-it that creates life at an accelerated rate but also be conveniently used as an explosive, which Khan comes across in his pursuit of sweet, sweet revenge. The film is a definite improvement as it handles Kirk much better by drawing attention to Shatner’s age this time around. He looks old, tired, decorates his apartment with priceless antiquities in a desperate attempt to look younger to his friends and is probably shown putting on a girdle in a deleted scene or something. The only reason he is commanding the Enterprise this time around is rather the opposite of in-universe vanity last time: the ship is largely being run by cadets, and an emergency situation requires the most senior officer to take command. It’s nice when things in movies actually make sense sometimes.

Khan’s also a lot of fun as well. His slouched, open-shirt manner upon the captain’s chair of a commandeered ship was worth trying to replicate whilst watching. It’s interesting that the character is supposed to be Indian, and people were upset that Benedict Cumberbatch played him last time. However, it’s worth pointing out that the actor who made him the villain he is in this film was Mexican, and does not even try to attempt any vaguely resembling Indian affectation. What he could do was passionately quote Herman Melville at both the camera and my own heart, and he did it. Importantly, he has motivation here that makes sense to the audience, as the planet they were marooned on underwent convenient yet significant climate change that left them on the fringes without any assistance from Kirk or anybody. Again this makes sense from a script setting, even if it’s not entirely realistic. This does take place in a universe after all where many planets are breathable to humans, and it’s a wonder that all the things Khan and friends went through didn’t lead to them just suffocating at the end or something. Mind you, there wouldn’t be a movie, and it would make the film’s protagonist look even worse…

Overall, I commend this film for allowing me to drink regardless of whether we had a drinking game devised or not. Looking forward to seeing Spock resurrected next time.